Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Letting Go: Emotional Intelligence can be learned with practice.

There are times when we out-grow situations or even people. Moments in time where risk is involved and somehow we completely lose ourselves in the process.

This is a very difficult situation to be in. Once you know that something might not be what is seems it can suddenly make your heart drop.

I have only had this feeling a few times in my life, in which it has made me feel every emotion known to man kind all at once and it's terrible. You want it to go away, this feeling of rejection and pain, but you can't and it stings. Maybe you try to turn a new leaf but you can't seem to shake the feeling of hurt and it makes you lash out completely.

What can you do to make this better? Being a woman in her early thirties I know that it can be hard but you've got to put those big girl pants on stat! Don't make the mistake of repeating ideas over and over again because they can and will be held against you in the end. Sometimes being quiet is the best thing and just take it all in before you leap.

 Ok, so you've messed up in every possible way. Maybe you ruined a friendship, maybe you've blown a chance at a really great job. Whatever it may be, let's look at the process of failure and how we can learn from it.

Emotional intelligence is an imperative portion of the human ability to withstand certain situations and handle them with a calm demeanor. This means no freak outs! The person with strong emotional intelligence can see things clearly and also asses the situation from both sides before playing the victim or taking a leap in the wrong direction even if it feels right at the time. This person is respectful of themselves and of others. They will constantly stay quiet, not because they don't care or don't have things to say but they are simply waiting for the event to process before saying something that could make it worse. These people are smart and will go far in life because they sit back and ponder, not over-analyze, but really see it clear.

How can you be this person when you are feeling anger & hurt to an extreme level? Please stop before you speak. That's the best advice I can give. Take a walk! Hang up the phone! Grab your ear buds and stroll...You will notice that the event may even calm down before it takes off into another world unknown to you and whoever this is effecting. Life is tough, and you may have lost your job. Below is an example from personal experience. The date and time of this event, people and such have obviously been removed.

I loved my job, but something was missing. There was a negative feeling in the air, I let it feed me in a horrible way and it eventually got the best of me. I knew that I was going to get let go...There is the social intelligence. I just had to figure out how in the world I could handle this situation without blowing up or getting emotionally crazed. I vented to friends and family about the situation, but when it came down to the day it was tough. Here is what I did....

We sat in a room as they handed me my paper work to sign saying it would be my last day. Ok, inside, my heart was pounding, I was breaking into an internal sweat, my mind was racing but I held onto  my confidence. In my head I repeated, "this is not the end of the world, this is not the end of the world." I thought about the future, I let go of the past. Then I spoke...."I'm sorry it did not work out here, I wish you all the best and thank you so much for taking a chance on me and allowing me to develop my skills in your office" ..... Silence, hands folded and I waited. What I got was the most respectful replies and it was by far the best letting go experience of my life. Of course I was sad, of course I was going to miss the team, but I also knew that I had to move on and keep myself in check at the same time. I've never been so calm before and so collected and I walked out so very proud of myself and the way I handled everything. I walked to my car and sat down and put my head on the steering wheel and I cried a good cry but then I turned that key and rode home. I was able to jump right into the job market and proceed with my career feeling very level headed and calm.

I wish I could say I handle all situations like the above example. In fact, going forward after a recent terrible emotional crazed moment, I believe I will. I often learn the hard way and I don't want you to! I don't want you to risk a friendship because you're emotional or lose a job because you're insecure. I hope that by reading this blog of mine you will see that as we move through life we're always learning and we can learn from one another.

This may seem odd, but if you're in a pickle and feeling that hot and emotional flare. Stop talking, breath, get away from the situation. This means telling that person, or event, "Hey, I've gotta take a walk" DO NOT come back if you know it's going to be too hard to face. Do NOT try to change your emotions in account of someone else's feelings, recognize them and proceed with caution. That person, event, job, things, whatever it may be will appreciate it in the end and most importantly it will save you from being foolish or risking it all before processing.

I'm a firm believer that we must accept things for what they are in the moment. If things don't turn out the way we want then we must say "This is how it should be"

The power of acceptance will bloom into emotional intelligence in the end. Remember to always smile and keep the positive energy flowing. A powerful trail will follow all those who leave with confidence and respect.

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