Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Luck or Positive thinking?

"She is so lucky, all these good things happen to her all the time, best vacation, best boyfriend, best perks, she's got it all!"

I bet you have these friends right? The one's who seem to draw in the best of the best and constantly have exciting and full-filling items on their calendar. Well lucky them right? But is it really luck, or is it due to a positive outlook on life and the law of attraction which draws only good things his/her way?

I'm not talking about those who win the lotto, to me personally that is luck. I'm talking about the people we meet or see in our news feed that are getting the most out of life.  I like to call this positive influence. While some people may be down in the dumps and wonder why terrible things continue to occur, it could possibly be due to the recognition that we give these items and the power these feelings have to breed more of the same thing. When we give attention to the negative we send out this message to the universe and our minds start to alert us to more negative factors and so begins the downward spiral.

Usually I give a personal example, but I'm going to pass on this one because I'm on an upward shift and I don't want to take my brain into a past negative event because that is not the right approach.=)

 Since I'm a total quote freak I'd like to share a few with you that I hope you can resonate with.

"Having a positive mental attitude is asking how something can be done rather than saying it can't be done" - Bo Bennett

"To avoid situations in which you might make mistakes may be the biggest mistake of all" - Peter McWilliams

I'm a firm believer in taking chances and not being afraid. Fear can be exciting and taking a risk can send those adrenaline chemicals into a happy dance. So while I may not be seen sky diving, I will do other crazy things that most people may think twice about and I always live in the moment. What risky thing have you done lately?

"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are" - Anais Nin

Getting stuck in our own mind can often be tricky and it's definitely a challenge to re-train the mind when we are frustrated and things seem completely unfair...I don't like the way I worded that.

Getting stuck in our own mind is a common paradox that can be altered with practice to see things for what they are in acceptance and appreciation for items which we can control and for that we are grateful!

Boom! I just re-trained my thoughts right before your reading eyes! =) You can too!

I come from a family of realist and sometimes pessimistic ideology but there is a fire inside me that has always wanted to break free. I have also made certain to surround myself with positive people who exude confidence or those who are seeking to find a brighter side to life. If I can assist those in need of a positive outlook then that feeds my positivity. If I can take someone's negative thoughts and ideas and contradict them with positive theories and turn many leafs then I will never break down.

I had a conversation with someone who was completely low, we steered the conversation into a positive mode and he found himself finally saying "I can" instead of "I can't." He was wallowing and giving attention to things he could not do. Instead I told him, "Well what CAN you do?" We focused on strengths and talked as much about those strengths as possible. I certainly hope he is feeling better about himself, as he should!

Sending out the warm vibes to all and remember to live here & now. Create the moments you want to see and focus on all that you wish to achieve! You too can be the "lucky" one, so go out there and create it for yourself, be magical! I believe in you. =)

Thursday, April 14, 2016

Getting into your "Flow State"

In Mihhaly Czikszentmihalyi’s book “Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience” (1990), he described a state of “flow” where people involved in an activity “forget themselves, the time, their problems.” Flow is something that athletes experience when they are “in the zone,” artists experience when they are at their best, and we all are capable of experiencing when we are doing something we love. 

I would like to take some time out to express my passion about finding a career or activity in your life that you can get lost in. Maybe you already have this and I'm so incredibly happy if you do! But for those of you who are walking through life in a state of self-loathing and perhaps even a mini pity party I'd like to wake you up with a big splash of water and say "Hey, let's forget about you for a while and find something to take your mind of all this rubbish!"

Creativity is in all of us and tapping into these talents can really be beneficial to one's health and make you shine individually. For me personally, writing and expressing myself in song is where I lose myself. I like to find a quiet spot where I can listen to music and let lyrics flow; often times I'm relating my music to an event that has occurred in my life or a feeling that has suddenly come over me in an emotional way. I can lose myself completely in these moments and forget where I am and the time simply escapes me! 

Below you will find what it feels like to be in a state of "flow." 
  • You're heavily involved in what you’re doing: you’re completely focused and concentrated.
  • There’s a feeling of ecstasy- of being outside of everyday reality.
  • There’s inner clarity: you know what needs to be done and you get immediate feedback on how well you’re doing.
  • You know that the activity is reachable, that you have the necessary skills to complete the task successfully.
  • You lose your sense of self and all of your worries and troubles dissipate.
  • You lose track of time and you’re completely focused on the present moment
  • There’s an intrinsic motivation-whatever produces flow becomes it’s own reward. 

These feelings above are powerful. If you have an item in your life that can give you this then please hold onto it. If you are searching for something and you haven’t quite found it yet, perhaps you are simply missing “Flow.” The people who have found this are often times happier with how they view the world because they are owning their lives and assuring their happiness is kept. They are positive people because they have found a niche that allows them to be selfless and focused on the task at hand. I want this for you!

You know what it is that challenges you & excites you! Go after it!

As always my friends remember to smile and seek to find something you’ve always dreamed to achieve! You are here for a reason so keep on making moves!

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Letting Go: Emotional Intelligence can be learned with practice.

There are times when we out-grow situations or even people. Moments in time where risk is involved and somehow we completely lose ourselves in the process.

This is a very difficult situation to be in. Once you know that something might not be what is seems it can suddenly make your heart drop.

I have only had this feeling a few times in my life, in which it has made me feel every emotion known to man kind all at once and it's terrible. You want it to go away, this feeling of rejection and pain, but you can't and it stings. Maybe you try to turn a new leaf but you can't seem to shake the feeling of hurt and it makes you lash out completely.

What can you do to make this better? Being a woman in her early thirties I know that it can be hard but you've got to put those big girl pants on stat! Don't make the mistake of repeating ideas over and over again because they can and will be held against you in the end. Sometimes being quiet is the best thing and just take it all in before you leap.

 Ok, so you've messed up in every possible way. Maybe you ruined a friendship, maybe you've blown a chance at a really great job. Whatever it may be, let's look at the process of failure and how we can learn from it.

Emotional intelligence is an imperative portion of the human ability to withstand certain situations and handle them with a calm demeanor. This means no freak outs! The person with strong emotional intelligence can see things clearly and also asses the situation from both sides before playing the victim or taking a leap in the wrong direction even if it feels right at the time. This person is respectful of themselves and of others. They will constantly stay quiet, not because they don't care or don't have things to say but they are simply waiting for the event to process before saying something that could make it worse. These people are smart and will go far in life because they sit back and ponder, not over-analyze, but really see it clear.

How can you be this person when you are feeling anger & hurt to an extreme level? Please stop before you speak. That's the best advice I can give. Take a walk! Hang up the phone! Grab your ear buds and stroll...You will notice that the event may even calm down before it takes off into another world unknown to you and whoever this is effecting. Life is tough, and you may have lost your job. Below is an example from personal experience. The date and time of this event, people and such have obviously been removed.

I loved my job, but something was missing. There was a negative feeling in the air, I let it feed me in a horrible way and it eventually got the best of me. I knew that I was going to get let go...There is the social intelligence. I just had to figure out how in the world I could handle this situation without blowing up or getting emotionally crazed. I vented to friends and family about the situation, but when it came down to the day it was tough. Here is what I did....

We sat in a room as they handed me my paper work to sign saying it would be my last day. Ok, inside, my heart was pounding, I was breaking into an internal sweat, my mind was racing but I held onto  my confidence. In my head I repeated, "this is not the end of the world, this is not the end of the world." I thought about the future, I let go of the past. Then I spoke...."I'm sorry it did not work out here, I wish you all the best and thank you so much for taking a chance on me and allowing me to develop my skills in your office" ..... Silence, hands folded and I waited. What I got was the most respectful replies and it was by far the best letting go experience of my life. Of course I was sad, of course I was going to miss the team, but I also knew that I had to move on and keep myself in check at the same time. I've never been so calm before and so collected and I walked out so very proud of myself and the way I handled everything. I walked to my car and sat down and put my head on the steering wheel and I cried a good cry but then I turned that key and rode home. I was able to jump right into the job market and proceed with my career feeling very level headed and calm.

I wish I could say I handle all situations like the above example. In fact, going forward after a recent terrible emotional crazed moment, I believe I will. I often learn the hard way and I don't want you to! I don't want you to risk a friendship because you're emotional or lose a job because you're insecure. I hope that by reading this blog of mine you will see that as we move through life we're always learning and we can learn from one another.

This may seem odd, but if you're in a pickle and feeling that hot and emotional flare. Stop talking, breath, get away from the situation. This means telling that person, or event, "Hey, I've gotta take a walk" DO NOT come back if you know it's going to be too hard to face. Do NOT try to change your emotions in account of someone else's feelings, recognize them and proceed with caution. That person, event, job, things, whatever it may be will appreciate it in the end and most importantly it will save you from being foolish or risking it all before processing.

I'm a firm believer that we must accept things for what they are in the moment. If things don't turn out the way we want then we must say "This is how it should be"

The power of acceptance will bloom into emotional intelligence in the end. Remember to always smile and keep the positive energy flowing. A powerful trail will follow all those who leave with confidence and respect.