Everything is kinda unfair, however I am still smiling and you know why? Because I know that the energy I am omitting is only bringing to me the things that are supposed to stick. The items that go away, especially quickly- were not meant to be, nor should they be forced to stick around. Don't try it, it's a waste of more energy, stay on the path ahead!
Every moment I back track, have weakness due to emotion I realize that I am only making myself feel worse. For the times when I sit alone with thoughts and let them spiral, I end up placing myself in walled up situation with questions left unanswered and feelings unexpressed. That is not of your concern anymore. Great, right?
When you take things at face value you realize this is right in this moment, may not be right tomorrow. Enjoy it now!
In my dating life I have done this. Made nervous by commitments and wondering if yet another man will bail out on me, forever changed by a final blow. I had aligned a date and we were both extremely excited about it, however it was about a week away. A couple days before I decided to reach out and confirm. What did I get? Nothing....cricket's for two days. Finally the day came for us to meet and nothing again, not a sorry or excuse, apology or otherwise reply to a date we had completely secured. Did he die? Was he trapped in an elevator? Did he somehow misplace my number or the internet make it impossible for us to re-connect. NO! He decided on his own that he wasn't interested in me, and instead of being kind and at least saying so, he decided to be a man of less value and ignore, disappear and bail out that way. How I felt was disappointment, disrespect and a deeper realization that I was grateful. He had done me a favor and so continuing on my path I leave behind the weak and pursue the strong. It's sad, but that is how I will forever view this person. Anyone who has the decency to respond deserves a bow in my book, even if it's to cancel or tell me, hey I'm not feeling it. Fair enough, I am not everyone's cup of tea!
So ladies and gents' its tough out there. I know, I'm living it. But I'm not trying anymore...I know that each meeting I have holds zero and I mean NO expectations. I have grown to trust my gut and believe in a higher power that the one for me will not leave me hanging, we will both be equally crazy about one another and allow room and trust to bloom as we go along.
Another humbling moment is within my career. I have been at the bottom of the hill and now climbing back with grace and gusto! I have cried, felt low and hiked many trails waiting for an answer. Luckily, this 11:11 theory is starting to take flight in many forms, well mostly people. I have said yes to multiple opportunities to temp and because of this I have met more and more amazing people and my connection tree is seriously blooming with great branches each with leaves of more opportunity that I could have imagined. I'm extremely grateful for this new me. I have shifted and grown so much in the last two months than ever before and I know this time things are different. There is a great gravitational pull for all the good things in my life right now, and as I medidate I feel them draw more near.
I'm writing all of this because I know some of you are in low moments. You are in a pit of sorrow and need to get out! You are the responsible one, you can change and you might be like me and need a real wake up call. I believe we are given hard times to grow, and I don't mean bad days...I mean bad months, bad years, times where everything keeps spiraling...We need those to come to realize our divine purpose, or truth and our destiny. Don't you see, when you open your eyes and stop being vain, stop being self absorbed you see truth in all around you. You can feel what people give off in conversation. But YOU are in charge of what you take away from it...You decide it always.
I'm not worried you see....I'm just happy to exist. I have never felt this way. If it took all the way to 34 to realize this, I can only imagine what I will realize a year from now or when I am 50! The brain is an amazing tool and the life we live is here to teach, to touch and make us feel. Whether you are a business man/woman, a nurse, garbage man, McDonalds worker, seamstress, or poet. We all feel, we all have dreams, and we all deserve to tap into all the good feelings our brain and body can allow. So do it!
It's my plan to make every effort to have a good impression. To not get locked in my mind, but to keep it open and share it with others. Remember we are all here now, but not promised tomorrow. Have the best Friday and weekend, savor the moments and give great hugs. Kiss slowly and talk calmly. Have zest, be brave. You can transition into anything you put your mind to.
Keep smiling my friends....